


Chicken Soup

by scarlet_egg



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-20 09:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6000205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarlet_egg/pseuds/scarlet_egg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>but not for the soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Artemis?" The light tapping jerked the boy from fitful sleep, but only barely thrust him back into the land of the living. "Hey Artemis, you in there?"

  
  


" _Holly_?" he groaned, hands over his face as he fought the wave of bewildering disorientation that came from so very foolishly sitting up. He squinted into the darkness and saw something that _might_ have been a simple hallucination -- a strange amalgam of an over-active imagination and half-remembered dreams -- but looked an awful lot like someone he knew, all the same.

  
  


"So you _are_ alive." There was a pause as the fairy lifted the window up proper -- it slid smoothly along tracks, kept in working order for this purpose and not because he had any intention of ever engaging with the _outdoors_. When she spoke again her voice was still distant, but less distorted. "I was getting worried about you, mudboy."

  
  


"Holly." Artemis rasped her name again, his thoughts slippery and sluggish and refusing to stay still. He shook his head, and almost flung himself off the edge of the bed. "What's wrong?"

  
  


" _Wrong_?" She sounded amused, which couldn't possibly be right -- hadn't she claimed to be _concerned_? He didn't hear her moving across the carpet -- she was just there suddenly, clambering up onto the chair at his bedside with practised ease. "Aside from the fact you're clearly dying?"

  
  


Well, _that_ wasn't reassuring.

  
  


"I'm _fine_ ," he informed her despite all evidence to the contrary, setting his shoulders in a way that made it clear this was all a great effort and he was full of it. "It's merely a cold."

  
  


Yes, _he_ could be traditionally masculine and downplay his ailments too, couldn't he? It was hard to be sure with how his head was swimming, but it almost seemed like her shoulders were shuddering in silent laughter. Artemis sighed the sigh of a long-suffering genius, and regretted it as he began hacking once more -- his breath caught in his throat like barbs, hitching and tugging and painful.

  
  


"I tried calling," Holly remarked, facing him now -- the world lurched and seconds were lost, leaving him reeling. "You didn't pick up."

  
  


_Mother insisted my recovery would be hastened by freedom from any_ _ **distractions**_ , Artemis remembered dimly. _Despite my insistence to the contrary -- despite my argument that a mind needs_ _ **stimulation**_ _to remain sharp -- she refused to budge on this matter. In my weakened state, I was unable to fight her as I normally would._ But as he opened his mouth, that became too many words to speak, and what he _said_ was--

  
  


"Mother." But he sighed heavily, so that was alright. That summed it all up nicely.

  
  


" _She_ took your comm device?" Holly frowned -- he realised immediately where her mind leapt, to that place where Angeline had _isolated_ him, but surely she must understand how ridiculous that notion was. He sighed again, stiffening but managing to avoid the coughing fit.

  
  


"No," he explained, remarkably patient considering the circumstances. " _Beckett_ did."

  
  


"You let _Beckett_ into your room?" Her amusement only grew with each shred of information she managed to tease out -- it was like being a great detective, hunting down clues and piecing together the solution to a baffling mystery. She didn't know _what_ exactly was going on here, but the answer was going to be _hilarious_. Unconsciously she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

  
  


If he sighed any harder at her ignorance his lungs were going to come flying out, but it was still pretty impossible to take him seriously when he was wearing those pyjamas. They were light blue, which was fair enough, but the pattern of little puppy dog faces wearing thick glasses was less fair.

  
  


To him, at least. To dear Holly, it was like Christmas.

  
  


"I don't _let_ the twins anywhere," he protested, his tone chastising her for her foolishness -- or it would have been, if it wasn't quite so miserable. "He forced his way in under the guise of chicken noodle soup, and then it was simply gone." Artemis collected his thoughts, staring dimly at the far wall, before rousing himself back to the present. "Mother told them it would be best if I was to rest."

  
  


Holly couldn't tell if she was more amused that his brother was astute enough to make the connection between _no rest_ and _contact with the underground_ , or that he was sly enough to use the common belief that soup fixed anything at all to enact his plan.

  
  


"I can see the chicken helped," she remarked gravely, focusing on the most important part of his explanation, and Artemis groaned.

  
  


"Holly -- it was a _live chicken_."

  
  


That was it -- that was the moment the fairy lost her fight to keep the laughter in. The idea of Beckett wrangling a chicken into Artemis' bedroom, a pack of dry pasta taped to its head, was simply too much. Even the invalids pained expression did nothing to shame her into silence.

  
  


Then another thought struck her, and she fell silent -- a switch was flipped, and he snapped to bewildered attention at her tone.

  
  


"You need to tell me the truth, Artemis." He frowned, pre-emptively feigning offence at the incoming accusation. "Is this a _normal_ cold, or is this an _I was only_ _ **experimenting**_ _, Captain Short! It was never meant to end like this!_ kind of cold?"

  
  


It was a lot of words to comprehend, filtered through cotton-wool thoughts, and the boy struggled to align them into the correct order. Had he been more alert, he would have been wittier.

  
  


"I give you my word," he uttered confidently, hoping that was the right response. It must have been, because she nodded.

  
  


"Just checking!" she informed him, as if she hadn't just demanded reassurance he hadn't accidentally engineered a new and terrifying biological weapon in his spare time. "Sleep deprivation has been known to affect mental faculties, you know. Mistakes happen."

  
  


_How does she know I haven't been sleeping?_

  
  


"Fascinating," remarked the genius dryly, clinging to the startling flash of lucidity that came with her presence. He wished she would have thought to turn on a lamp -- the light would have destroyed him, but at least he would have been able to see her properly. "Isn't there some sort of fairy cure for this?"

  
  


_For the common cold?_ My, wasn't _he_ the optimist. It would have been hilarious if he didn't look so desperate.

  
  


"Ah." Holly tried to tell him, she really did, but she just couldn't crush his hope so callously. "I mean, there's a _home_ remedy -- I could send Mulch around to explain it?"

  
  


It was pretty funny watching Artemis turn from rice-paper white to swamp-water green, and she couldn't even muster guilt about it. She wished she'd thought to record the conversation -- for scientific purposes, of course, _naturally_.

  
  


"Ah--" he mumbled, swaying suddenly, looking faint. "On _second_ thought..."

  
  


The fairy wasn't fooled for a second, but it was a _very_ convincing act. Between his flushed cheeks, the dark bags under his eyes and the red-raw nose, he certainly knew how to play up his mystery illness.

  
  


"Do you have a fever?" She leaned in before he could protest, placing her palm against his forehead. " _Hmmmm_ ," she mused, leaving it there longer than was strictly necessary -- he didn't _feel_ hot, but there was still a flicker on his face as her touch slid away. "Doesn't feel like it. You might survive after all."

  
  


He made a noise that may or may not have been related, and then -- quite without warning -- he sneezed at her. Had her reflexes had been any duller, it would have caught her in the face, but the look on his face was worth the momentary horror.

  
  


"My _apologies_ ," Artemis groaned, turning away to mop at his dripping nose. He was far too proud to try and blow it while she was there -- not even he could make that sound refined.

  
  


It was sure was something seeing him so compromised, Holly thought, and tapped her fingers absently against the arm of the chair. He still struggled to look at her and it occurred to her, quite unpleasantly, that her presence might be making him uncomfortable.

  
  


Which was, not to put too fine a point on it, but pretty much the exact _opposite_ of what she had been aiming for.

  
  


" _Ah_ \--" she blurted, at the same time as he started--

  
  


" _H_ \--"

  
  


\--and both fell instantly quiet, waiting for the other to continue. He coughed, but it was a soft sound and not at all the painful, I-might-be-dying kind he'd been flinging around.

  
  


It wasn't enough to interrupt the sudden tension, but the knock on the door was -- both jumped, alarmed, as Butler entered. His mouth was open to speak and paused when he saw them, his gaze flitting from charge to fairy and back again.

  
  


_Oh._

  
  


"Artemis," he rumbled, by way of explanation. "Your brothers will be in need of a new source for the motherboard. They were building a rocket." He placed the comm device gently on the dresser, and hesitated again, arranging his thoughts. "You missed a call from Holly."

  
  


Ah yes, how very useful to know.

  
  


"Good thing I wasn't worried," Holly remarked easily, slouched in the chair and looking ever so innocent. "I might have interrupted him while he was on mandatory bed rest."

  
  


" _Thank_ -you," agreed Artemis, dryly -- he wished he'd thought to have a glass of water at the ready. "I will be on the look out for her arrival."

  
  


His bodyguard nodded in acknowledgement, turned, and stepped quickly out of the room before they saw his grin. It didn't entirely work.

  
  


The boy sighed.

  
  


"Sometimes," he complained, his throat raw. "I think you _enjoy_ watching me suffer."

  
  


" _Artemis_ ," she complained, placing one hand over her heart.

  
  


And that was all she said -- he waited, she waited, and eventually he sighed.

  
  


"I _do_ appreciate your reassurance," he informed her, too tired to argue against the facts, but Holly only grinned.

  
  


"Any time, mud-boy," she responded cheerfully, only just resisting the urge to reach out and ruffle his hair affectionately. No need to make him feel worse than he already did, considering he was practically _dead_.

  
  


...Well, actually, now she'd _thought_ about it...

  
  


Man, after this, Artemis was _never_ going to let her near him again, and it was _still_ going to be worth it.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The comm might not have woken her, but it _was_ the first thing Holly registered when the world swam back into focus. _Blerp-blerp_ it went, as if she had nothing better to do. _Blerp-blerp_ it continued softly, as if she wasn't trying to sleep.

  
  


_Blerp-blerp_ it insisted, somewhere in the distance, and that was the first hint she had that something wasn't right -- the fact the _blerp_ never got any _louder_.

  
  


The second hint, of course, was that when she sat up to snatch it from the bedside table, she somehow ended up on the floor. There was an answering _thud!_ from the next room over, sounding just as surprised as she felt, and her ears finally popped.

  
  


There were just so many things to address -- where was she to _start_?

  
  


Holly clambered to her feet, head reeling, and snatched at the comm again. She managed to reach it this time, slapping buttons even as she stumbled for the door -- that was a good plan, you know: turn it off, get _rid_ of the distraction, and then--

  
  


"Holly?"

  
  


\--a tinny human voice would come grating through? The fairy balked, whirling around to confront the intruder, before she realized what was happening.

  
  


"Artemis?" Wait -- did her voice _always_ sound that raspy?

  
  


"Holly!"

  
  


" **Mulch**?!"

  
  


There was a beat of bewildered silence from all involved parties, but Holly was _not_ going to be the last to react. She shook her head -- vainly trying to unscramble her thoughts -- and clapped her hands together sharply, demanding light.

  
  


Then she made a sound and snapped them together again, frantically demanding there be _no_ light, because no-one would really ask to wake up to _that_ sight. As it turned out, when Mulch wore her robe, it didn't quite meet all the way around, and the fact he was still wearing his clothes underneath didn't make that any less horrifying.

  
  


There were sounds.

  
  


"When did _you_ get back?" he demanded, indignant even around the mawful of _her_ food. "Aren't you on a mission right now?"

  
  


"How did you get _in_ here?" Holly groaned, wondering _why_ she hadn't just stayed in bed.

  
  


"Holly?" Oh right, because of _that_. "Are you okay?"

  
  


"I'm _fine_ ," she assured the voice in the comm firmly, but somehow that came out as-- "A _choo_!"

  
  


Another pause, this time more suspicious.

  
  


"I ain't even _thinking_ a word," Mulch blurted, with great feeling, thumping into the bench as he took a step backwards. She very much wanted to accuse him of doing _something_ wrong, but the only thing coming to mind was the fact he was eating _her food_ , and it's not like he cared much about this.

  
  


But as always, Artemis swooped in at her hour of need to save her from a horrifying, _humiliating_ fate.

  
  


"Is this a bad time?" he asked, the frown evident in his tone. "You sound unwell."

  
  


Oh, did she think he was going to _rescue_ her? That wasn't right, was it.

  
  


"I'm _fine_ ," Holly snapped, and sneezed -- then again, again, and again, in rapid, violent succession. She groaned once she could breathe again, covering her face with one hand and slowly shaking her head. "Just... just _fine_."

  
  


"I ain't saying you're wrong," Mulch agreed, cautiously. " _But_..."

  
  


The fairy stared into the kitchen, realizing with a mixture of horror and confusion that her eyes were starting to _adjust_ to the gloom, and reminded herself that this was _her_ house, and _her_ kitchen, and _she_ wasn't the one who had--

  
  


Oh, who was she kidding?

  
  


"What are you _doing_ here, Mulch?" she groaned again, while Artemis sat in what was no doubt vaguely amused silence.

  
  


"Dunno," her guest responded easily. "Got hungry?" He thudded across the tiles to _her_ table, dropping into the chair so heavily that the lights snapped back on. Things were being smooshed into the pretty wood, and she couldn't even find the energy to be horrified anymore. "What are _you_ doing here?"

  
  


"It's _my_ house!"

  
  


"Well, yeah," he agreed, giving her a sideways look. Crumbs scattered from his lips, because he wasn't about to stop eating just because he was _talking_. "But don't you have somewhere better to be?"

  
  


Holly froze, panicked for a split second -- was he right? _Did_ she? Was there something she had forgotten? No, that was ridiculous, of _course_ she didn't.

  
  


"Don't try and change the subject!" she ordered, crossing her arms. The door frame was there to support her as she swayed, so it wasn't so obvious she almost lost her balance. "How often do you sneak in to steal my food?!"

  
"Hey!" he protested, waving his hands. "It's not _stealing_ exactly, the way I see it, it's just payment for services _rendered_ , and..."

  
  


"Have you asked him about the remedy?" Artemis' mild tone broke through his mumbling, and both froze -- Mulch because he had no idea what was happening but _that_ sounded like it was going to require effort, and Holly because she knew _exactly_ what was about to happen and she had no doubt it was going to end badly. Most things _did_ when it involved the both of them, in her experience.

  
  


"I uh... that's not a _great_ idea," she ventured slowly, and Mulch nodded emphatically.

  
  


"But it seems you have my cold," the mudboy elaborated, and she couldn't quite tell if it was a frown or a smile in his voice. She closed her eyes in defeat either way, and in the pause that followed, she could just _feel_ the smile radiating out from the chair.

  
  


It was small at first, hesitant and shy -- but it didn't stay that way for long.

  
  


"You caught a _cold_?" Mulch asked, radiating surprised glee. " _Recently_?"

  
  


_You caught a cold from a_ _**mudboy** _ _, hmmm? Just how_ _**exactly** _ _, Captain, did you manage_ _**that** _ _one?_

  
  


Not even _he_ was stupid enough to say that, but his grin hadn't got the memo -- it said that and so, _so_ much more.

  
  


" _Somehow_ ," Holly corrected, shooting him a hard look -- and then she gave the comm the same one, in the hopes that the magical boy genius would get the hint. "We don't know for _sure_ what happened."

  
  


Then she sneezed again, another three times, just for good measure.

  
  


"Clearly," Artemis agreed dryly, and Mulch snorted around the last of his sandwich. He tried to cover it with a cough, thumping his chest dramatically and looking pained, but it fooled no-one.

  
  


"You know," he drawled, stretching lazily -- the robe gave up then, the tie just snapping, and he didn't even notice. "This seems like the perfect time to make my exit."

  
  


"Look how _wise_ you are," Holly groaned, grimacing up at the ceiling. The ceiling would never betray her. The _ceiling_ would never reveal so much of itself.

  
  


Mulch paused half-way out of the chair to shoot her a wounded look, but when it failed to melt her ice-cold heart he sighed, shaking his head as he slouched towards the door.

  
  


"I suppose I'll see you later, _Holly_ ," he lamented miserably, but it sounded more like a threat than a reluctant farewell. She would have groaned again but he was already shutting the door -- and she waited to hear the lock click into place, even though it clearly didn't do much to deter intruders.

  
  


But, you know, it made her feel _better_ , so that's nice.

  
  


She didn't even bother looking back into the kitchen -- she just snapped her hands together, flooding her abode in darkness, and slunk her way back towards the bedroom. Cleaning up would be a problem for _later_ , when she actually cared.

  
  


"Holly?" Artemis' voice startled her -- he'd been silent for so long, she'd almost forgotten he was there at all. " _Are_ you okay?"

  
  


"I'm _fine_ ," the fairy sighed, exaggerating her irritation as she climbed back into bed. They said you could hear expressions in your voice, so she made sure to roll her eyes for good measure -- let him hear _that_ one.

  
  


"And you're sure you're not delirious?"

  
  


"I think I'd notice that, mudboy."

  
  


"It's only that it sounds as if you're _smiling_ right now, Captain."

  
  


Whoops. He didn't even have the decency to try and hide _his_ amusement, either.

  
  


"Artemis, _please_." She put on her firmest frown, wiggling her way underneath the covers -- their weight was comforting, and she fought back a yawn. "Everyone knows the _best_ treatment for biological warfare is sleep."

  
  


"This wasn't my intention," he stated, and suddenly, it wasn't so much of a joke anymore. She felt a flicker of something that might have been guilt, and stomped down on it stubbornly.

  
  


"I'll be fine," Holly sighed, dismissing his concerns as gently as possible. "I promise I just need _rest_."

  
  


He was silent for a time, and despite her vows, her eyelids began to droop. She really, really should say goodbye before she fell asleep, but...

  
  


"Do you need soup?" the mudboy asked suddenly. Her eyes snapped open hard enough that her head spun, and she squinted at the ceiling as she tried to see something dancing before her _other_ than dry noodles and chicken feathers. "I can make you soup."

  
  


"Do you, uh..." Holly hesitated, trying to phrase her blurted question tactfully. "Do you have _experience_ making soup... by any chance?"

  
  


"Butler assures me it is not difficult."

  
  


And _that_ was far too quick a response to be even remotely sincere.

  
  


"I'm not _that_ sick," she insisted firmly, and could hear his frown even before he spoke.

  
  


"Are you sure? I don't mind--"

  
  


There was another thought, then, dragging itself from the quagmire that her thoughts were rapidly becoming.

  
  


"Artemis," she interrupted, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

  
  


"Pardon?"

  
  


"Are you still on mandatory bed rest?"

  
  


There was a very long and very _telling_ silence, and in any other situation, she would have felt a flash of smug satisfaction at catching him out. Later, maybe.

  
  


"That isn't--" Artemis began to protest, and she grinned.

  
  


" _You_ should get some rest, too," Holly reminded him, rolling onto her side. She held the comm loosely in one hand, up by her pillow, and didn't try to fight it as her eyes closed this time. "Before your mother catches you still awake at this hour."

  
  


"I--"

  
  


"Good _night_ , Artemis."

  
  


He sighed. It wasn't so much a sound of defeat as of resignation, and Holly decided that his mother had just appeared at the door -- after all, if it was _Butler_ , he would have been enlisted in Artemis' daring escape plans. She almost felt bad for him, being so terribly trapped.

  
  


But only _almost_ , because at least if she had to suffer with this cold, she would be suffering alone.

  
  


"Goodnight, Holly," came the reluctant farewell.

  
  


And she pretended not to notice that he _still_ waited for her to hang up first.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, Firar.


End file.
